18. A Woman's Self-Esteem Starts With Her Intuition

Her self-esteem

A woman's biggest challenge can be her self-esteem. Much of it is shaped by her environment: the people around her, how they treat her, and what she learned to expect.

Her feminine nature is her intuition. It is her sensitivity to people and situations, the quiet sense that something is right or something is off. When she is connected to it, she doesn't go wrong.

But many women were taught early to ignore that voice, or drown it out, to keep others happy. Don't make a fuss. Be nice. Go along. Each time she overrides her intuition to please someone, it costs her, and over the years it harms her again and again. When she no longer trusts her own sense of things, she stops feeling worthy. And when she doesn't feel worthy of a man's attention, she gives attention to make up for it.

Reconnecting

The way back is to begin hearing herself again.

First, she writes down what she truly values in herself, and why she is worthy. It doesn't need to be impressive, only honest.

Second, through her day, she notices where she felt a positive connection with someone and where she felt a negative one. Friends, coworkers, family, people on the street, anyone. This is her intuition at work, and every time she notices it, she strengthens it. She begins to see who lifts her up, who drains her, and what triggers her.

Then she starts choosing it. She gives more of her attention to the people who support her and less to those who don't. She trusts what she senses, first and unapologetically, even when it disappoints someone. And she stops letting others trample what she knows.

Why it holds

Her environment shapes how she feels about herself. Her intuition decides which environment she lets in. That is what makes her self-esteem unshakable: it isn't resting on any one person's approval. It is built from her own choices, one at a time.

Recognizing a true man

A woman who trusts her intuition can recognize a true man. She can sense when he is genuinely interested in her, when she can trust him, and when she can rely on him.

With him, she feels peace. He takes care of their life together, with her best interests in mind, and he does it willingly and with love. She feels loved and appreciated for who she is. He doesn't give her self-esteem. He becomes one more person in her life who lifts her up.

Before your next date

For a woman: When has your intuition told you something about a man or a situation that you overrode to keep someone happy? What happened? What would it look like to trust it first next time?

For a man: Does the woman you're seeing feel safe saying no to you, or trusting her gut around you? What could you do to make that easier for her?