6. Modern Dating: The Search for Authentic Love

Modern dating is confusing

Dating today is confusing. So is forming a relationship, going on dates, and what used to be called courting.

Each person arrives with their own agenda, and their own idea of how a relationship is supposed to form. When it does not work, they do not look at what went wrong. They blame the other person and start over.

Chasing the next person

Starting over becomes a cycle. The next person, then the next, hoping something will change. Somewhere down the line, the magical partner will appear. The girl of my dreams. The boy of my dreams.

The whole time, people listen to different voices. They watch influencers. They look at what people around them treat as the right partner: where that person should come from, and how he or she is supposed to be.

Overabundance

There is always another person. Another date. Another chat. Another picture of who they are supposed to be.

Influencers and society keep that picture fed: how he is supposed to look, how she is supposed to be. Fancy first dates and big plans belong to the same search. They keep the magical partner somewhere down the line.

The easy path is to keep looking. Talk online. Send pictures. Keep the feeling of a relationship without sitting with someone. When a date fails, you do not have to look at it. The next person is already waiting.

Lack of self-awareness

The other challenge is that you are focused on the other person. How they should look. Who they should be. You miss that you are the one attracting them. The people you meet show you your own attitude toward yourself.

Get to know who you are. Then sit with someone as you are, and see whether they want that person.