7. Unmasking Dating: The Quest for Authentic Connection

Why we date

The fundamental part of dating is the reason we date. Understanding that goal takes away a lot of the stress in the process. You can identify who is wrong for you, often in the first few minutes of a date. You can tell more easily who you want to see again. You understand why you are dating.

Why we date has to be defined by you. Personally, I would like to see dating as an opportunity to get to know someone. To see if we get along. To see if we even connect.

I am not looking for instant attraction. I am not looking for the animalistic uproar of lust and passions. I want to sit with someone in a very casual setting. Forget the first, second, and third dates of fancy dinners and overseas trips. That is a fantasy that leads you astray and leaves you brokenhearted. I am looking for a coffee date, a walk in the park, sitting on a bench.

Simple dates

These things are very simple. Through them you get to know the person you are sitting with, the person you are talking with. Are they even willing to spend time with you? Are they willing to open up? How do they communicate? What questions do they ask? Do they take an interest in you, or are they only talking about themselves?

Sitting with someone this way keeps you from getting attached early on. It also lets the other person open up, so you can see what reactions you get.

Who we truly are

The deepest need is to be loved for who we are. That only works if the other person knows who we are. If they reject who we are, they are probably not the person I want to be with.

I have to work on myself. We all do. I still want someone who wants me as I am, not the mask I put on to impress them. You only find that out on a simple date.