4. The Positive Conflict

Introduction

Understanding and properly addressing disagreements and conflicts can serve as a catalyst for happiness and joy in a relationship. The 'Positive Conflict' approach promotes the idea of not focusing on the flaws in each other, but rather on the flaws in the relationship and connection between you both. When you experience friction, instead of looking externally at the causes, you focus internally on your connection. Then, you discuss how this conflict can be used as an opportunity to strengthen your bond. Consistently applying this method will help you foster a more resilient relationship, capable of withstanding any difficulties life may throw at you.

Exercise

This exercise guides you in analyzing conflicts positively, by adopting an observer's perspective and treating disagreements as opportunities for growth and strengthening of your relationship:

  1. Choose a Disagreement: Choose a recent conflict or misunderstanding you've had with your partner, ensuring the emotional intensity has calmed down before you begin your analysis.
  2. Symbolize Each Other: Use two dolls (or any two objects) to represent each of you. The third-person perspective helps keep the conversation objective and less personal.
  3. Narrate the Conflict: Each of you, through your respective dolls, discusses how you experienced the disagreement. What you felt, what you thought, and how you reacted.
  4. Collaborate on a Solution: As 'relationship experts', try to objectively understand the disagreement's root cause. Then, brainstorm ways to prevent such misunderstandings in the future. What can you learn from this situation? How can it help in strengthening your bond?

Remember to conclude the conversation on a positive note by expressing appreciation for each other. Compliment your partner on a quality, habit, or any aspect that you particularly admire.

Worksheet

To further assist you in applying the Positive Conflict approach, here's a simplified worksheet:

Part 1: Choose a Disagreement

  • Describe a recent conflict or misunderstanding.

Part 2: Symbolize Each Other

  • Choose two dolls or objects to represent you and your partner.

Part 3: Narrate the Conflict

  • Express how you (the doll or object) felt and thought during the disagreement.

Part 4: Collaborate on a Solution

  • As relationship experts, discuss the root cause of the disagreement.
  • Brainstorm ways to prevent such misunderstandings in the future.
  • How can this situation strengthen your bond?

Part 5: Compliment Each Other

  • Express appreciation for one quality, habit, or aspect of your partner.

By implementing the Positive Conflict approach, conflicts can become valuable opportunities for relationship growth and improvement, reinforcing your connection and deepening mutual understanding.