15. Finding Your Worth: A Woman's True Desires

What she was taught

A woman can think that when she does something for someone else, they owe her something back. She was raised with that notion. In and of herself, she is worth nothing unless she can do something for someone else. Her self-esteem is so low that she does not feel she deserves common decency. She does not feel she deserves interest in her as a person. She feels she is worth something only if she can give someone what they want. That is a terrible way of looking at a relationship.

What she wants

What a woman really wants is to feel appreciated and loved for who she is.

When she is dating, the questions are not about what she can give him. Not about how to listen to whatever he says so he can feel special. Not about whether she should pay, how she should dress to attract him, or how she should have sex with him so he finds her interesting.

She is sitting on the date with simpler questions. Do I feel special? Is he taking an interest in me? Does he want to get to know me?

That switch can be painful. She is not used to feeling worthy. When a man treats her that way, she can feel he is not the right man, because she is not used to that treatment. Her filter lets the wrong men into her life, because that is what she is used to. The reason is low self-esteem.

She begins to do the things that make her happy, whatever anyone else feels about it. She says what is actually on her mind, whatever anyone else feels about it. She owes it to herself to recognize that what comes out of her is worthy of her own recognition. It is worthy, and it has a place to be expressed. If it is wrong, she can apologize later. At that moment, it needs to be said.

The date

If she is sitting on a date and she does not feel comfortable, she is done. If she feels uncomfortable because someone else is paying, she should not be on that date. A coffee date. The cost is small. She does not feel she owes anyone anything.

What does she want? She wants to feel loved. She wants to feel appreciated. She wants to feel recognized for who she is. For who she is, not for what she can do for someone else.