17. Going Beyond Surface Attraction

Her job

The first dates need standards. What is acceptable, and what is not. She gauges what comes out of him. The purpose of the date is to see whether he is into her for her, or for what he can get out of her. Sex is off the table in these first dates. Otherwise she cannot tell whether he is into her for her, or for what he can get out of her.

His job

A man has to figure out if he is actually interested in her. He cannot figure that out if he talks about himself. He has to get interested. He asks questions, and that is how he gets to know her.

If he is not interested, it is not meant to be. He can say goodbye peacefully, not see her again, and be done with it. His purpose is to find someone he is interested in beyond her sex appeal. Then he is not stressed on a date. He is not wondering what to do next. He knows why he is there, so his job is simple. Get to know her, and see if he likes her. Often he can tell in the first few minutes who is not right for him.

After the sex appeal goes away, what is left is who he is and who she is. He might as well figure that out right away. Dating becomes simple and focused.