3. Personal Challenges in Dating

Looking for it in someone else

A man looks to a woman for respect he does not feel. A woman looks to a man for a love she does not feel. That is the personal challenge.

A man who is struggling in dating often looks for a woman who will respect him, make him feel a certain way, and validate him. He does not feel that worth in himself. He does not feel he respects himself, or that he has accomplished much, and he is looking to get those things from her.

A woman wants to be loved. That desire is there even when she does not accept herself. She can hope that if he loves her, she will finally be able to accept herself.

What men are looking for is respect. What women are looking for is love. You cannot get those from a partner first. They have to be in you.

Accepting yourself

Accepting yourself as you are means getting to know who you are, reconnecting to your own self, and reaching some appreciation for the person already there. A partner cannot give you the love or the respect you do not already feel.

Accepting yourself looks different for a woman and for a man.

A woman can rest in her nature. She is grounded in herself: in her convictions, beliefs, and desires. She does the things that actually make her happy, and she says what is on her mind. She wants to be loved for who she is.

A man is built. His nature is rest. He seeks pleasure with the least effort. He overcomes his nature. That is what builds him. His sense of worth comes from what he does: actions he keeps, and what he has actually accomplished.