12. What Men Want First, and What They Want Most

Physical desire

The first thing is physical desire. That is why males look at females. Call it sad. Call it whatever you want. It is the natural desire for physical intimacy.

A woman is attractive. Cute. Beautiful. She has feminine energy. Whatever it is men are drawn to, they want her physically. They do not know her. At first, how she looks is the only reason they talk to her.

Classify a man however you want. Intellectual. Spiritual. Scientific. Physical attraction is still the prime motivator.

That is what men want first. It is not what they want most.

A real woman

What men want most is a woman grounded in her nature, grounded in herself. A real woman. She does not take offense, and she does not give it. She stands her ground in her own convictions, beliefs, and desires.

Most men won't say it. Many don't even know it, because physical desire is louder.

This is where respect comes in. A man wants respect, but respect from a woman who bends to whatever he wants means very little. Respect from a grounded woman means everything, because she doesn't give it cheaply. When she respects him, he knows he earned it.

If men cannot get a real woman, the physical is what they will settle for.

What to do with this

For a woman: His attraction to how she looks isn't the problem, but it isn't the whole story either. It gets his attention. What keeps it is who she is when she stays herself. Competing on looks alone puts her in the category he settles for.

For a man: Attraction is natural. The question is whether he stops there. Every time he chooses the easy, physical version, he settles, and he never finds out what he actually wanted.

Before your next date

For a man: When you're drawn to a woman, what exactly are you drawn to? Is it only how she looks, or something about who she is? What would it take to find out?

For a woman: Where do you soften your views or swallow your opinions to be liked? What would it look like to stay grounded in what you believe on your next date?